I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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