A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
We need to get me chipped asap
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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