She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
