Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
