hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
