Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
