His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
