peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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