I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
