my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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