Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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