i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
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I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
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Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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