I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
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Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
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I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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