Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
