$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
