i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
