I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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