barbara walters just said penis...
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
