I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
