kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
