dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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