Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
