This dress was meant to end up on your floor
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
