I like to think it a success when the cops are called
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
