the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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