You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize