Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
