Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize