Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
