Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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