she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
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I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
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Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize