What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
