And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
