Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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