if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
