I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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