He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
sarcasm needs its own font
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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