so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
