I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
and i looked up. we had an audience...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
