I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Can I color on your dick again?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
