Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
