I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
