could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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