Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
