Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
