This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
