no, he came in my armpit
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
