Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Oh god it's open bar.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
