I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
