she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
