it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
