I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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