I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
