Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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