You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
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Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
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My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize