I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize
