Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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