You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you didnt know i had herpes?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
