i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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