Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
