He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
