"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
tell me about the fingering
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