Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
