Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
