Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
