I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
