tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
