there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
