He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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