you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
The Olympian is in my bed
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
