So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
