I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
