ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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