spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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