The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
