Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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