We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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