Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
