I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
