Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
