Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
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