I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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