Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
