Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
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LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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