The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
