but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Randomize
