I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You are a genius and a whore.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
