I just pynch a tree in the face
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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