$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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