shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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