Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
