if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
