the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I have post one night stand depression
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